Amateur Hour

As a rhetorician, I know that I'm never supposed to say in public that anything I do is bad, but this is an exception.

This may be the worst computer game that I've ever talked about on Virtualpolitik, and the embarrassing thing is that I'm the one who made it, as my very first attempt at amateur game-creation. It grew out of an April Fool's joke about a videogame about being Attorney General of the United States.

If you have a PC, you can try opening it here. It's a large .exe file. I promise that I will not do anything nefarious to your computer.

In the Supreme Court Chambers you must battle statues that threaten your dignity and protect those that affirm the Judeo-Christian character of this nation. Using your spacebar, shoot the scantily clad statues of Justice personified, but be sure to miss the 10 Commandments statues that should grace every public place and seat of government in the country. You can dodge statuary by moving up and down with the arrow keys.

The Democrat-controlled Capitol building keeps sending naked statues your way, but the eagle which shoots from your finger allows you to tastefully cover up their offensively exposed forms. In the first room, a hot pink bra and suspendered girdle does the trick.

In the second, a frilly nightie takes care of the job, as other naked statues from the monuments in Washington D.C. throw themselves at you like brazen hussies.

For more on stories about statues in the news during the Ashcroft era go here and here. And, yes, that is John Ashcroft himself singing "Let the Eagle Soar."

(And, yes, if you reach Alberto Gonzales, you already know that the game is unfinished.)